I apologize if you were at the 65th and Keystone Kroger this morning. That was my child yelling throughout the whole entire store for 75% of the time we were there.
And to the woman in the dairy section who said “You are being too loud!” to Baby Jedi, well, no shit. It’s not like I can punish him with no TV or dessert tonight if he doesn’t stop. What can you do to make a 16 month-old stop yelling besides consistently telling him to stop? If you know, you should tell me.
That trip to the grocery store was one of the worst we’ve had since Lucas was born. I don’t normally shop at this store, so I was out of my element in the first place and I also had to buy the whole store because we have NO FOOD. So it seemed like we were there FOR. EVER. (when in fact our time in the store was just over an hour).
And to the gentleman in the toothpaste aisle, thank you. Because when I offered to sell you my kid you accepted. And then in the check-out lane, you helped me get things out of my cart because I had to hold Lucas because he was trying to climb out of the buckled seat. And you even offered to help me out to the car, which was so kind, but at that point, getting to the car was the easiest part of our trip, so I turned you down. But thank you for offering.
Then, in pure Baby Jedi form, Lucas helped me put all the groceries away when we got home. Perfect timing bud, perfect timing. Because I really was about to sell you at the store, so thank you for being cute and sweet and helping as much as you could.
And since you didn’t want to actually EAT the lunch I made for you (which healthily consisted of cheese, blackberries and potato chips) we “dinged” cheese each time I took a bite. (You know, like “cheers” with your drinks, but “ding” with your food. I don’t know, just roll with it.) And you thought it was hysterically funny and couldn’t stop laughing, which makes me smile even now as I’m writing this.
And then you threw your cup and then your cheese on the floor since, apparently, that’s what you do when you’re 16 months old and done eating. Nice.
The yelling, unfortunately, wasn’t contained to the grocery store, because you continued to yell at me while I was changing your diaper getting ready for your nap. And then I realized it was because you wanted your socks off. Why didn’t you just say so dude? And then, again in true Baby Jedi form, you kept sticking your toes into my face so that I’d smell them and pretend they stink and squeal “Ew! Stinky toes!” over and over and over.
And over again.
And over again.
At this point I was laughing so hard at our entire morning’s shenanigans that I almost peed my pants.
And then it hit me. The reason I want another child is because of the delight I find in babies. It is a respite from the pre-teen hormones and the 5 year-old whining and crying. Even when Baby Jedi yells at me and everything we pass in the grocery store, we come home and he laughs uncontrollably at “ding” and smelling toes. It’s pure delight when they love you like only a 16 month-old can.
Thanks for the humor this morning Baby Jedi, though I could have lived without the yelling.