Crazy busy weekends always result in more crazy right? Well, here you go. A PSA (or two) from each day of the weekend, starting early with:
Thursday: If you are 5 years old, do not attempt to move a 35 pound weight from your dad’s exercise set. It will fall and smash 4 of your toes and wind you up in the emergency room for 3 hours. Luckily, you will not break any of them (God only knows how THAT didn’t happen) but you will have to have one glued back together. And you still won’t be able to put a shoe on 4 days later.
Friday: #1: If you are really short, you should not attempt to wear brown boots that are mid-calf height, black tights and a denim, knee-length skirt. It chops you up and makes you look like the size of an elf. Opt for the safe black pants and heels. It is MUCH more attractive.
Friday: #2: If you have a weaning 13 month old and haven’t had more than 1 alcoholic drink in one sitting since you got pregnant, you should not have 3 glasses of wine at your new employer’s Christmas party. You will ask your husband “Why do people DO THIS time after time? I just don’t get it.” And he will promptly respond (even afterwards when you don’t make this comment) “You only had 3 glasses of wine in 5 hours. You are a lightweight.” You will almost get car sick during the 30 minute drive home and you will want to vomit for a good hour laying in bed trying to rock yourself to sleep. Oh, and that 13 month old will smell you from inside his close-doored room and wake up, only wanting you, not caring that you drank one too many glasses of wine and feel like total hell. (The positive thing, is that you totally held yourself together at the party and drank MUCH less than most of the other people, so you didn’t make a fool of yourself there.)
Saturday: #1: The morning after is almost as bad.
Saturday: #2: If you have a 13 month old, do not take him to see his sister in The Nutcracker. He will not sit quietly through more than 5 minutes no matter how much milk and Cheerios you offer him and you will almost miss seeing your daughter perform. Even if he sat through a 2 hour Yuletide show at the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, completely enamored, just a month before.
Sunday: Do not host your neighborhood Sunday Night Dinner of 8 other families on the same week you work 16 hours more than normal, have a trip to the ER, Christmas party and four Nutcracker performances. You will be SO. TIRED. And you still have to go back to work that night (for 4 hours) to do the work you didn’t do Thursday night because you were in the ER.
Learn people. Learn.