Things I would do if…

I always find myself not doing something because of one reason or another. Sometimes it’s totally a good thing – like not slapping my children when they talk back for the eleventybillionth time because that would be so wrong. And I’d feel horrible. And then they’d get taken away from me by CPS. And then my husband would never get to let my son suck on his beer can again…

Seriously, my husband never thinks this gets old...

But, there are many other things I don’t do that aren’t so horrible. Or maybe they are, but seem funny to me, in some weird, twisted way. Like…

I would so burn my house down so that I could build a new, more perfect, house right in the same spot with my big, urban yard, except I’d be put in jail and then my family would have NO house to live in.

See the pattern? Here’s another.

I would smoke again, but I’m pretty sure I would get hooked right away and not be able to stop. Yes, I know it’s bad for me, but I’m being honest here…

I would take dance classes, if I wasn’t so scared of how bad I’d be in front of all those other people in the class. (Wouldn’t it be fun if you saw me on SYTYCD?!?!)

I would get a perm, if you all wouldn’t make fun of me. Seriously, I loved this summer-after-having-a-baby-curl thing I had going! But now it’s mostly gone. Sad.

I would move, somewhere warm, if my husband would go with me and the parents wouldn’t hate me for taking away their grandkids.

I would totally have another baby, if I didn’t have to raise another child. Seems to be some link there though…

I would tell you how completely horrible I am at knowing important things/dates in history, if it didn’t make me look dumb.

Oops. (I’m really NOT dumb. I’m actually quite smart. I just am not proficient in history.)

And see, now if my house ever DOES really burn down I’ll be blamed for arson. Ugh, maybe I am dumb…

So what is your “I would ___________ if ____________”?

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About Katie White

believer. wife. mom. friend. life in transition.
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3 Responses to Things I would do if…

  1. Jennie Rader says:

    Hum….you’ve got me thinking! I’ll get back to you:)

  2. I would drink a bottle of wine if I wasn’t pregnant.
    I would book a trip to an exotic location if I had the money and an awesome nanny to take with us.
    I would eat insane amounts of ice cream, cheesecake, and brownies if I didn’t ever want to fit in any of my clothes ever again.
    I would start my own collaborative blog again if I had the nerve. (This one might actually happen. We’ll see.)

  3. “I would totally have another baby, if I didn’t have to raise another child.”

    There is brilliance hidden somewhere in that statement.

    I would express my feelings all the time if other people didn’t have feelings.
    I would go back to a cell phone without Internet, email or texting if I could survive without it. (I just know I couldn’t.)

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