Starting over.

This is what my garden looks like today:

See last summer’s dead tomato plants still there?  That’s kind of how I feel right now. Still here, but not so alive.

But three months from now?  These seed starts (tomatoes, broccoli, peppers) will all be about 8-10 inches high and ready to be planted, along with many other veggie plants. 

I’m hoping to get a new start too.  I’ve been hard on myself.  For many right reasons and many wrong reasons.  This transition to staying at home has been harder than I (naively) expected. 

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really have a bestie.  This didn’t bother me too much before, when I was with close friends more often.  But now that I’m not working in the office with good friends three days a week, I’m affected by this much more.  I have lots of friends – that’s not the issue.  But many of my closer friends live out of the city (or state or country) and I feel like some of my “local” friendships aren’t as strong as they once were.

I’m trying to figure out why those friendships have changed.  I’m trying to fit in, even if it’s awkward.  Even if it’s wrong.  I’m trying to know why I want so much to have this “bestie” beside me.

One Sunday, our Pastor was speaking about friendships (similar to how I’ve been feeling) and easily summed it up: Jesus is the only friend we need. 

Easier said than done.

I know this is true.  I really do.  But I can’t live it.  At least not right now.  I’m going to try.  But honestly?  I really miss having great friends that I can tell anything to.  And being that person being told everything on the flip side.  I want to be there for my friends so they don’t feel this way also.

I have more to say.  Wanna grab a beer? (Or wine or coffee or dessert? I’m flexible.)

About Katie White

believer. wife. mom. friend. life in transition.
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7 Responses to Starting over.

  1. jen rader says:

    I feel ya friend…being home with kiddos in the winter
    is incredibly isolating…I feel disconnected too! Hard seasons…
    I’ll get a beer sometime!

  2. Beth says:

    I’m in such a similar place with a recent change to SAHM. It’s a good change for me but I never expected it to feel so monumental or feel the need for so much reflection about it all. Wine, coffee, dessert…how about all three?

  3. well, I blog blog blog about it all day long. Being a stay at home/work from home mom is so awesome, but so challenging at the same time. The first 6 months for me, were far the hardest. So hard.

    It’s going to get better, you’re going to adjust to your new life, and might eventually love it.

    Not to say that beer and ice cream sometimes kinda helps. 🙂

    I’m always free.

  4. Tara says:

    How did I just now find your blog? Thanks for posting it on FB. Remember years ago when we went to Agio for dinner together? We need to do it again sometime. And, can I come over Monday night again? 🙂

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