Six-ish weeks ago…
I called Adam at work, blurting out I was pregnant, crying uncontrollably and then apologizing uncontrollably. And then I called him back a few hours later apologizing for totally losing it and dropping news like that on him in the middle of the day at work.
Then he brought me these six beautiful roses on his way home from work. Six because that will be the new number of members in our family. Because even though we were done having kids, he loves me and this new life inside me. And he knew I was severely struggling with this unexpected news.
I’m not going to lie: I’m still struggling a bit. Like I said, we had decided we were done. We had “moved on” from this part of our lives and really ready to see what was next for our family and our marriage.
But God has another vision. The problem? I can’t quite see it. I can’t really see my future life with another child. I had already mentally and emotionally stepped into what I thought our future was going to be, with our current three kids. Though I’m starting, just this week, to get small, quick glimpses of a very brief moment with a baby. Like walking from the car to church with Lucas and an infant. But that’s all I’ve got.
The good thing? I know that God’s vision is perfect. In my mind, even in my heart, I know it. Deep down, I totally know that God has a perfect plan for my life and the life of my family.
And honestly, embracing this is the only thing I can do at this point. It’s real. And although totally unplanned, it’s totally happening. Embrace it, right? Yep, that’s what I’m gonna do.
I think, like this pregnancy, we’ll wait to see the baby’s gender until birth. Seems fitting to start life outside as a surprise as well.
So, I’m almost 12 weeks, due May 12th. In case you were wondering. :) Oh, and if you have maternity clothes I could borrow, I would be indebted to you forever. Because, obviously, I gave away all mine after baby #2, because I was done having kids.